The R of Resilience & Grrrrit in the Middle Grades

From Monologue to Dialogue

By: Dru Tomlin


So now we're ready to tackle Resilience. This R word has been used so much recently in the middle grades that it's almost become passé—whether you call it by its formal name or by its colloquial companion, grrrit. It's about allowing students to struggle and even fail, so they understand how to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try, try again. There is plenty of merit to this philosophy and plenty of sayings to back it up. Smooth waters never made a good sailor. Tough it out. Rub some dirt on it. Finish strong. Fail forward. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Our society and most of our educational framework is built on a puritanical meritocracy, which means, in other words, that folks who work harder will succeed more. But is that always what's best for the students we serve? Especially young adolescents in the middle grades?

Letting students struggle and fail is different from teaching students how to struggle and fail, and too often, we think we are helping students build resilience by doing the former—instead of the latter. When we simply hand out failing grades or deflating comments, we aren't teaching our students how to be resilient. We are punching them in the cerebral gut, dissolving their relationship with us and our content, and showing them that effort is often meaningless. When young adolescents learn this in the middle grades, they grow more and more disconnected from learning (not just schooling). And, in fact, they do learn a form of resilience: a hardening, disenchantment, a steely glare of embitterment. Against you. Against your content area. Against the prescribed mechanisms of learning. With each failure (be it academic, social, or behavioral in nature), young adolescents adopt an internal deficit script that can spiral them downward: Why am I so dumb? What's wrong with me? I'll never get this. Why is everyone else doing so good except me?

So how do we best serve students who are in jeopardy of developing that kind of subtractive inner monologue?

What we should be doing to teach resilience in the middle grades is to be responsive (not reactive) when students fail and to support them when they struggle. Teach them what has been coined "self-compassion" by Dr. Tom Nehmy—how to treat oneself when times get tough. What can you say to yourself when you struggle or fail to positively pick yourself up? What actions can you take to comfort yourself in times of struggle? If you need additional help, who can you get positive help from? Helping students answer these questions is key as we support their resilience and grit development. We have to help each student as they confront the fact that sometimes learning is an independent journey and that they will need to shore up their individual resolve and know-how to negotiate that journey. And we also have to help each student understand that there is nothing weak in asking for help because, just like strong middle schools are built on interdisciplinary teams, strong middle school students are built when they can lean on a teammate in a time of need. Not as a crutch but as a bridge. Not as a label but as a lift.

  • So how does your classroom and school house help students develop resilience and grit?
  • What are the daily practices that make that happen?
  • How does your school help teachers and staff develop resilience so they keep learning, developing, and growing—so they can help students do the same?

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